RSS

Tag Archives: Wal-Mart

Hell-mart & Tornado Tuesday


Earlier today I started to write a post about Tuesday.  My first thought was that it was going to be Torture Tuesday…..Since yesterday was Christmas Tree Monday, we basically managed to drag everything out, spread it out all over the house and leave it.  We had trouble with the lights.  All of them.  Everything was a tangled mess.  The beads, the ribbons, the lights, the tinsel.  You name it.  It was a MESS.  It actually looked like someone had vomited Christmas all over the house.  YUCK. I actually said an extra prayer for safety because if the house were to burn, I wasn’t sure we could find our way out.

But then, the perpetual optimist in me, reminded me not to start the day off with such a negative attitude.   Negative Nellys tend to suck the life out of people and I certainly don’t want to be one of those people.  So, I went with a Terrifical Tuesday.  Sure, the house was in absolute chaos.  But I didn’t mind it.  The kids were having fun.  They had smiles on their little faces, so it must be a good day, right?  Another day of decorating would only give me a good excuse for another cup of homemade hot chocolate.

All in all, I decided to scratch the whole dadgum post.  I couldn’t fake it and I didn’t want to spread my pessimism, so I simply kept my mouth shut and my keyboard idle.  I walked away from the computer.  I decided I would come back when I could get my ADHD in control enough to make a firm decision about what to write.

And let me tell you, here I am!

I ended up making a run to the closest Hell-Mart, I mean Wal-Mart…..about 25 miles down the road from our teeny town.  Yes, I hate the place.  My hubby and I refer to it as the arm pit of East Texas.  But when you live in the middle of nowhere, you realize beggars can’t be choosers.  So, Hell-Mart has to suffice.

Yes, it IS that bad!

I needed to get some groceries to cook for tomorrow’s big Thanksgiving dinner at church, as well as some other things.  I planned to leave the kids at home for the afternoon.  Cameron is almost 16 now and I knew he could hold down the fort.  So off I went.  It was time for some peace and quiet.  Kid-free time.  This might just be Terrifical Tuesday after all!  Yay!

Of course, I live a life of calamity and chaos.  Many have said I was jinxed.  Because I can do almost NOTHING without catastrophe.  It follows me around like a puppy dog.  I should have known today would be no different.  I just THOUGHT I was gonna get some alone time all to myself.  But my old pal, calamity was there with me all along.

It started off innocent enough.  I was browsing the Christmas decorations.  Pricing wrapping paper.  Looking for a Christmas gift or two.  That’s when the call came.  The boys called to tell me the town I was in was now under a tornado watch.  I paused for a minute and did actually consider stopping right there and heading home.  But come on, how many times do we have a tornado watch and nothing ever happens?  A lot.  I decided to take my chances.  I kept shopping.

I perused the yarn and crafts.  The electronics.  The pajamas.  I took my time getting over to the grocery section.  In fact, I was almost finished.  Just another item or two and I would be ready to check out.  That’s when it happened.

“Wal-mart customers and associates.  We are now in a Code Black.  Please be aware the weather is conducive to tornados and we are now under a tornado warning.  Be prepared to seek shelter. Code Black.”

 

This is what the tornado MIGHT have looked like if there actually was one!

Shelter?  Really?  I’m in a Super Wal-Mart.  Isn’t that shelter?

I decided to finish up my list quickly.  There was just one thing I forgot in the back of the store.  As I threw that can of cinnamon rolls into the buggy, I notice the aisles are empty.  I guess that announcement (actually there had been three of them by this time), that  Code Black, had frightened our local Wal-Mart shopppers.  I thought it might be time to get serious.  As I rounded the corner, I was met by an associate.

She informed me that there had been 3 tornadoes touch down in our area and we needed to take cover.

NOW.

She sent me to the front of the store and to get somewhere ‘with walls’.

It seemed simple enough.  I sat down in the McDonalds located at the front of the store and began making calls to check on my kids at home.  Of course, no one answered.  Not my mom.  Not the hubby.  Not the kids.

For just a moment panic set it.  But then I remembered I was 25 miles south of the kids.  I’m sure things were fine at home.  And I was fine here.  That’s as far as I got.  My train of thought was interrupted by associates announcing we needed to move to the back of the store to better shelter.

Code Black.  Take shelter in the back of the store.  Code Black.

What?  Really? And seriously, what the heck is Code Black??  Is that supposed to keep me from spinning into a panic?

I frantically continued trying to get someone on the phone.  I wanted someone to go get my babies.  Of course, calamity wouldn’t dare allow that.  That would make things too easy.

I knew I needed more information.  I found a Hell-Mart supervisor/manager….whatever.  I asked for more information about the tornadoes.  Were they north?  Were they south?

She just smiled and said, “Mam, we have a Code Black (there it was again!).  I really don’t know what to tell you.  If I tell you they’re south and you go out there and get yourself hurt, we would be liable.  So I can’t tell you anything.  Why don’t you just take it easy in the back?”

I can’t tell you what I wanted to say to her.  What I almost did say to her. For a small moment, I actually considered giving her a black eye to go with that Code Black.  That would teach her.

BAM!

I stomped out of the store.  Associates following me, telling me to come back.  It wasn’t safe. Code Black. 

Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

All I knew was I had kids home alone.  If things were that bad here, I needed to get home before they got that bad there.

I still couldn’t get anyone on the phone.  Finally, I called my pastor and his wife.  They would go pick up my kids and keep them until I made it home.

Whew.  Relief.

Needless to say, I didn’t get picked up by a tornado.  In fact, I’m not sure there were actually any out there.  What I DO know is this.

I left a buggy FULL of groceries at Hell-Mart.  I had found some yarn I loved.  Christmas music for the family.  All left.  It was the cheapest trip to Hell-Mart ever.  All compliments of their stupid Code Black.

I think I could have gone with the Torture Tuesday post earlier.  It would have fit.

Oh, and I still have no groceries.  So I guess tomorrow will be Wal-Mart Wednesday. Woohoo!

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 15, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Ladie’s Road Trip!


A day away.  It was needed.  It was anticipated.  It was a HOOT!

Yesterday I loaded onto our church’s short bus on  a road trip with a bunch of ladies from the church….all of them older than me.  Most of them a LOT older than me.  But I’ve always been drawn to older people.  Most of my friends have always been older.  Plus, I’m a people watcher.  I love to watch people and how they interact with each other.  How they carry themselves.  Their expressions and moods.  Probably because I’ve never been good at meeting and interacting with folks I don’t know.  It’s hard for me to open up.  But once I do, a let it all hang out…. for better or worse, like it or not.

Some would look at our little group and think we have nothing in common.  After all, I was the only one who still has children at home.  In fact, some of these ladies have grown grandchildren.  I look at our little group and see a chance to learn.  Learn from these ladies about life.

So, I packed my bag, took my Dramamine (I get car sick VERY easily.), and loaded up.  My mom…you know her as Killa, joined us as well.  So a good day was ahead.  We had a complete array of personalities on our bus.  Dog lovers.  Straight-laced to no-lace-at-all. Crafty to handy.  Funny and serious.  We had a Martha in the group.  As in Stewart.  You know, Susie Homemaker.  A champion of all things home-making.  Actually, there were a few of those. I probably don’t need to tell you I am not one of them.  But, oh, how I would love to be!

The day was a blast.  We laughed, we talked, we enjoyed each other’s company, as well as a little shopping.  I traipsed into shops I would normally never enter.  Yes, they were a bit on the hoity, toity side. We ate lunch in someone’s home that could have come off the cover of Southern Living magazine.  I just knew I would drop something on the carpets or knock something over and break something more valuable than my own life.  I treaded ever so lightly.  Putting me in that environment was like putting a bull in a china closet.  Grace is just not a word used to describe me.  But then, I need a bit of refinement.  Ok, I need a LOT of refinement. I looked at it as a challenge.  Not to just escape without calamity (Which I did, by the way.  Go me!), but as an opportunity to let some of this grace and elegance rub off on me (Which it didn’t, by the way.)

All in all, the day was a success.  And in the midst of all these graceful ladies, I learned some things.  Some things you might never expect to learn from such a group on such a day.  I couldn’t help but share.

  • Did you know you CAN play Farkle in a hot tub?  I don’t have a hot tub, so I can’t try it.  But I think I will add this to my bucket list.  As clumsy as I am, I just can’t see myself making it.  But it would be fun to try!

  • I learned how to knit a toboggan with a hoopty loopty thing-a-ma-jig.  I was so interested in this, I made our pastor stop at Wal-Mart (which he despises) and let me go load up on yarn and the hoopty loopty thing-a-ma-jig.  As I type I am working on my second toboggan.  I love anything I can start and finish quickly.  ADHD doesn’t allow for long drawn out projects.  My family can all expect to get toboggans for gifts for every holiday from now until my obsession runs out.  That could be tomorrow or it could be a few years.  Who knows?

   A work in progress….on the hoopty loopty!

Braedon styling my first toboggan!  It was a little small, but I was pleased for my first! 


  • Decorating Christmas trees is a true art.  Of which I can only be a mere wanna-be.  Oh, and it’s a very expensive art.  Again, only a wanna-be will I ever be!
  • I’m not the only one who has kids that sometimes aren’t as thankful for their parents as they should be.  A good thing to understand when you are dealing with a child who has no appreciation for his raising.
  • One Dramamine for the day is NOT enough.  I MUST take one before heading home.  Otherwise, I will end up feeling green and pukey.  And that just doesn’t go well with the whole graceful thing.  Oh, in a pinch, you CAN chew it and swallow it.  But the taste is disgusting.

  • I never knew of all the options upon death.  Buried or cremated.  I never thought of how many options cremation could afford you.  The creativity of this one almost makes me pee my pants when I think of it……..  “When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes put in Tom Selleck‘s underwear.”    True story.  I can’t claim it.  If I were gonna put my ashes in anyone’s underwear it would totally be Rob Lowe’s.  Although, Tom Selleck would definitely be in the running.


Needless to say, prim and proper or not……we had a blast!  Now, I have more knitting to do.  We may not have clean clothes thanks to this new obsession, but we will have toboggans to keep us warm!

Enhanced by Zemanta
 
1 Comment

Posted by on November 8, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

What I Love About the South


I’m sitting here feeling fat and sassy after eating a big ole southern meal, sipping on sweet tea.  And it just dawned on me that everyone just isn’t as lucky as me.

Southern people just know how to do thangs right.

And no, that ain’t a typo—- I meant ‘thangs’.   I consider being from the south an extra heap of blessing.  So, for all you non-southerners….you Yanks and  Cal-eee-fornians…..I thought I would share a little bit of the southern side.  You might wanna grab a tissue cause you will prolly be drooling in envy soon!

You know you’re from the south when…..

♥ Cornbread is a dinnertime staple.

♥  Pick-up trucks outnumber cars 3 to 1.

♥  Most of those said pick- up trucks contain coolers in the back……well-stocked with cold beer.

♥  Just about anything is breaded and fried….okra, green tomatoes, Twinkies, Oreos, pickles, and even bananas…

♥  The lawn doubles as a junk yard.

♥  Dinner is not complete without a big ole glass of sweet tea.

♥  Flip-flops are worn year round.

♥  The golden prize egg at Easter could be hidden in a cow patty.  I have pictures somewhere to prove it!

♥  People actually greet each other as they go in and out of the local Piggly Wiggly.

♥  Kids are raised to say ‘yes, mam’ and ‘no sir’ and they dadgum better use it or else risk getting a good slap upside the back of the head.

♥  Every home as a porch and is used to sit and watch the world go by on a daily basis.

♥ Football is life.  Enuff said.

♥  Gravy is used like a condiment.  It makes everything taste better.

♥  Bless your heart doesn’t really mean bless your heart.  It means you’re an idiot.  Or a tragedy has befallen you.  Or both.

♥  You’re proud to call yourself a Redneck.

♥  You know what chicken fried steak is.  And you LOVE it.

♥  It’s socially acceptable to leave your Christmas lights up year round.  In fact, it’s the smart thing to do.

♥  You have more miles on your tractor and/or four wheeler than your car.

♥  A coke is not necessarily a coke.  It could be a Dr Pepper, Pepsi, or even a Sunkist.

♥  Deer meat is the preferred meat and can be prepared in a multitude of ways….usually all fried. With gravy.

♥  ‘Fixing to’ and ‘on an accident’ are understood and used frequently.  Ex:  I was fixing to clean out the car, but then I ran over the curb and busted a tire.  But I did it on an accident.

♥  You use a buggy, not a shopping cart.

♥  1oo+ degree weather goes on for months.

♥  Going to Wal-Mart is a Friday night tradition.  It’s good to get out on the town.

♥  A half inch of snowflakes that melt before 9am constitute a holiday due to the dangerous road conditions.  We can drive through 3 feet of mud and water in our four wheel drive….but don’t ask us to drive in a half-inch of snow!  School is cancelled!!

♥  Traffic jams are usually caused by a tractor on the highway.

♥  Shotgun is not just something you shoot…….it also reserves your right to the front seat.  When I say load up, they yell….”SHOTGUN!”

♥  Part of potty training boys is teaching them to pee off the porch.  A proud moment, that is, yes sirrreeee!

Which brings my What I Love About the South list to an end.  The kids are about to have a peeing contest off the front porch to see who gets dibs on calling the remote control.  Gotta go see who wins!!

Enhanced by Zemanta
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 15, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: