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Really Randomness


I’m in high gear.  Probably because I’ve had too much coffee.  There’s just nothing like a good cup of coffee.   And I kinda have the shakes.  NO, I do have the shakes.  Probably from the coffee.  Well, definitely from the coffee.  Plus, I have a slight touch of ADHD.  I feel like thoughts are running around wildly in my mind out of control.  Like 10 kids on Christmas morning.  I hope you enjoy the chaos of my mind.

*Why do kids love to run through the house…. nonstop….for indefinite amounts of time…. Yet, when you send them outside, they are suddenly bored?  Is running indoors really that awesome?  Am I really getting that old that I can’t appreciate the sheer joy produced by feet running through the house?

* The cheap HEB shells and cheese (as compared to Velveeta shells and cheese) is really, really good.  I don’t ever eat the Velveeta or any other brand, but I can’t imagine any could taste better.  For real.  Plus, the price was r.i.g.h.t. And that made it taste even better.

* People magazine came out with their sexiest man alive issue.  Bradley Cooper was awarded the honor.  Ok.  I’ll agree…he is  a hottie.  But how can I ever take this list seriously when you consider that Rob Lowe didn’t even make the list AT ALL?  How can that be??  What idiot is responsible for making this list?

* FYI….. it’s kinda weird to take a hot bubble bath while the toilet is stopped up.  To the rim.  But when the plunger has dry rotted, you live in po-dunk nowhere, and you are desperate for a bath, what else do you do??    What’s even creepier is when you just get enough Lysol sprayed to fumigate the bathroom to overcome the stinch of said toilet (actually, it was full of clear toilet water, but it just seems like it should totally stink), you get comfy and cozy in a tub full of bubbles, and suddenly you hear the monstrous sound of the toilet throwing up the stoppage.  It’s like it gagged.  And just like that.  As fast as it threw up, it flushed.  As if it never had a problem.  Super creepy.

Nobody loves me....til they need me.

These two things just shouldn’t be together.  It’s just not right.

* Why don’t they make the light brown M&Ms anymore?  They were absolutely my favorite.  Why?  Oh why?

Such a tragic loss!

* Why is it the laundry never ends?  I mean, seriously, I wash every stinking day of my life.  Yet my laundry room is never void of dirty clothes.  This is why my dream house needs to have its own mini washateria.  Maybe then I could keep up.

* I’m really upset with Hobby Lobby right now.  I bought all this stuff to make snowball-like ornaments.  You know, clear ornaments you fill.  Tons of filler, I bought.  I had BIG plans for these ornaments.  But the openings for the ornaments are so small, the ‘snow’ won’t even go in.  Now I’ve got all this filler stuff, piles of clear ornaments,  and NO beautiful snow-ball ornaments.  When you sell ornaments for the very purpose of filling them with goodies….and you hang the goodies to stuff them with right there next to the ornaments….they should actually fit.  Geeezz!

These are NOT my ornaments. Mine are sad and lonely. All empty inside.

* Oh, I got flipped off last night.  I was going across the parking lot and some guy was coming up the aisle.  I didn’t see him, so I had to stop quickly.  I was NO where NEAR coming close to hitting the guy.  But he leans across the passenger seat of his truck to hang his hand out and flip me off.  Parking lot road rage?  Really?  I seriously considered following him, hoping he would pull into the gas station so I could give him a piece of my mind.  Because you know flipping me the finger really makes you a grown man.  It’s real admirable that you have absolutely NO self-control.  But then, I realized, I might get shot.  Plus, that would mean I had no self-control and would be the idiot myself.  But I’m still steaming about that nonsense!

*Okay, maybe this random list should be called the gripe and moan list.  It seems I’m on a roll with the whining.  I did put my big girl panties on this morning.  I guess they just didn’t do the job.  Or maybe I didn’t.  I can’t remember.  I know!  I just need that fifth cup of coffee!  Yep, that’s it!

* Speaking of M&Ms, I won the ‘Guess how many M&M’s are in the jar’ game at Thanksgiving this year.  We are still working on those M&M’s.  I believe there were 930ish in the jar.  We may have M&M’s until this time next year.

* Alrighty, since I have a touch of OCD, I need to balance my list with happy thoughts.  I just can’t in good conscience do all this griping and complaining without giving you something to smile about.  It will be tough to overcome my Negative Nelly tendencies of the moment, but I’ll do my best.  So here you have it….a list within the list.  Wow.  I impress myself!

* Coffee just makes my life worth living.

* Chocolate makes me happy.

* My Bernie boy is my sweetheart.   He loves me all the time.  No matter how grumpy I am.  He is always happy to see me.  Always loyal.  Always keeps me company.  Oh, and he is going to be in the family Christmas card this year!  I can’t wait!  We take pics tomorrow.  I will have to post for all of you to see my sweet guy.

* Kohls’ Big One throws are the absolute, hands down, the best, most comfy of all throws.  And they ALWAYS put them on sale every single Black Friday for less than $10.  Huge score.  I believe we probably have close to 20 of these now and yes, I bought a new one this year.  They are big HUGE.  SOFT.  WARM.  Best $10 of snuggly goodness you will ever spend.

Love, love, LOVE the zebra print!

Well, maybe it’s not COMPLETELY balanced.  But like Forest Gump would say, “That’s all I have to say about that.”  And at least I’m leaving on a happy note doing my happy dance.  Too much coffee will do that to you.  😉

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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in It's my life....., Randomocity

 

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Smiles, Snickers, and Snorts


There are things in life that bring a smile to your face.  No matter your mood, you just have to smile.

Then there are things that make you snicker, or even flat out give a good snort as you suffer from a belly laugh.

This list contains some of each.  You decide which.

♥  The way your dog acts when you first walk in the door.  Mine is in a pen, so he dances on two paws, trying his best  to jump over the sides so he can cover you in slobber…even though you’ve only been gone an hour.

♥  Finally getting to the restroom after you’ve held it on the road for the past hour and a half and you feel like eyeballs are swimming.

♥  Rob Lowe.  Seriously.  Yum.

♥  Watching your kids have a burping contest.  Or even better, you joining in…and winning.

♥  The fact that watching Sheldon on Big Bang Theory makes me feel normal.

♥  Finding anything at 75% off, whether you need it or not.

♥  Flipping your pillow over to the cool side.

♥  Your mom falling backwards in her recliner to the floor, jumping repeatedly, stripping her shirt off and screaming because she thinks her kid just threw a bug on her.  Her 5 boys rolling in the floor, literally laughing their rears off  at their mom doing a striptease in front of them while screaming for help…. all while slowly coming to the realization that the bug was actually a flying raisin.

♥ Maxine.

 

♥  Your dog crawling out from under the covers, laying on your pillow right next to your head, and passing gas on you.   True story.

♥  Your baby boy writing in his journal that momma’s kisses are the sweetest.

♥  The look on someone’s face when you randomly scare the living daylights out of them.  Try it.  And see if you don’t laugh.

♥  Taking off your bra at the end of a hard day.  Or any day, for that matter.

♥ That feeling you get on Friday afternoon when you realize, you have made it, you have survived.  The weekend is here.

♥ And last, but certainly not least…………

                                                                                                               Puppy Planking!!

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on November 2, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Psycho-Mom Strikes Again


I was out of town last week on an overnight trip.  Just a day.  Yet, when I walked in the door, the house smelled of this awful stench.  I’m talking cat pee + dirty feet + dog poopy + sour clothes + mildew stench.  As I opened the front door, I almost lost my breath.  It was sickening.  Disgusting.  Gross.  Turn your stomach.  Nasty.

Not only did I walk into a fumigated house, but I also walked into a kitchen piled high with        dirty dishes.  I’m not even sure there were any clean dishes left.  The floor was there somewhere……..under all the clutter.  Every bed sheet appeared to be strewn through the living room floor.  I think they were having a little camp-out.  Right there in the living room.

That day, I found out just how quickly I can cross over.  You know, to that other personality.  That insane, psycho mom who opens her mouth only to have a few other heads dart from her throat….all with sharp tongues of steel.  I just know if someone had taken a picture of me at that very moment, I would have steam flowing from every body cavity I have.  Maybe even fire coming from my mouth.

No explanations were necessary.  I knew  EXACTLY what had taken place here.  While the kiddies were having their play party, they neglected to take Bernie out.  On top of that, Bernie had determined to throw himself one royal puppy fit.  He had marked his territory all over my area rugs. I couldn’t see it, but it had to be there.  What else could cause such a nasty smell?

The stench was so bad, it gave me a headache.  I immediately started ripping up carpets, bleaching floors underneath.  Bleaching everything. Cleaning the carpets.  All to no avail.

This is me.  Only I’m older.  And more wrinkled.   And waaay more ticked off!

But the stench remained.  I was furious.  Humans nor animals were safe in my presence.  I was a mad hatter and ready to attack.

This went on for a couple of days.  Our schedules were so incredibly busy, I didn’t have time to just totally spring clean, so I did my best by holding my breath as much as I could.  I felt like the stench was seeping into the pores of my skin.

Finally, on day three, I could take no more.  I began, once again, tearing the house apart.  I left no floor untouched.  I completely removed the area rugs.  Still pewtred stench hovered in the house.

I refused to pet the puppy.  He was banished from the couch.  I gave the kids double chores.  Trying my best to make the little turkeys learn a lesson and never forget to watch the dog again.

I was standing in the kitchen, talking to my hubby, when I kept getting a strong whiff of odor.  I turned around.  There was nothing there but the vacuum cleaner filter.  It couldn’t be.  Could it??

I have one of those bagless vacuums.  Mine has a removable filter, as well as a built in filter.  Before leaving for Houston, I washed out both, and put them in the drainer to dry.  I have always cleaned the removable filter, but the built in, only the one time.  It had gotten so nasty, something had to be done.  So I tried washing it with soap and water.

BIG MISTAKE.

I picked up the vacuum canister and as it got closer to my nose, I almost hurled.  The culprit had been found.  I threw the canister out the back door.  Grabbed a can of Febreeze, and went to work.  Within minutes, literally, the obnoxious odor was gone.  As if it were never there.

As much as I wanted to sing and dance, jump for joy, pet my dog, and hug my kids, I couldn’t.  The guilt hung in the air like the densest of smoke.  The looks on their faces were priceless.  The only saving grace, was they still neglected their chores in my absence and  made a huge mess of the house.  I wasn’t off the hook, but neither were they.  Apologies were made.

We decided to call a truce.  Bernie was pulled back into the fold.  I’m sure I’ve utterly confused him.  He is now, as I type laying on the couch.

Psycho mom, and her extra heads, have left the building.

For now.

 

 

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Posted by on October 31, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Stressed Much??


 

Today has been one of THOSE days.

I have been in touch with my emotions ENTIRELY too much today.   For most women, that’s not a big deal.

For me, it spells D I S A S T E R!

Probably wasn’t a great idea to double up on home school today either.  That just MIGHT be a contributing factor.  But I’m gonna soon be on my way to Houston and I don’t want us to get behind.  I really NEED to get these kids edu-ma-cated so I can push their patooty’s out of the house.

Then there was the usual evil of the day lurking in the shadows.  Well, it isn’t REALLY lurking in the shadows…it’s everywhere.  You can’t take a step without being assaulted by the clutter in this house.  Nope, it’s are not lurking.  It’s more like attacking.   Housework, and more specifically, clutter….. is my arch nemesis.

Of course, it might be the fact that Bernie has decided to regress and has started going poopy all over my house.   I thought we were past this.  Sure, he has the occasional accident in the house, but in the past 24 hours I have found a MINIMUM of 5 piles of puppy poopy.  Well, one wasn’t really found….it made it’s appearance known via the bottom of a bare foot.  GROSS!!!

 

Oh, and speaking of Bernie, he has moved on from his obsession with my shoes….probably due to the fact he has chewed up, slobbered on, or hidden all of them.  He now is in love with my bras.  It seems he finds them and strows them all over the house.  After he chews them up.  Underwire and a teething puppy are just not a good combination.  Let’s just say that between the puppy poopy and random bras, it wasn’t a good day to drop by.

Then again, I guess it might have been the fact that the only working toilet in the house is hardly flushing….all day.  With three boys in the house…well, you get the picture.  Walking in my end of the house is reminiscent of diving into a septic tank.  Yep, that should give you the appropriate mental image.

So, basically, to sum up the day…..

  • Poopy puppy on the foot. And all over the house.
  • I can’t find a bra that isn’t covered in slobber.
  • Or doesn’t have the underwire hanging by only a thread due to Chewy aka Bernie.
  • Did I say I have a trip to Houston tomorrow?  Packing?  Who has time for that?
  • Evil Lurkers.  Watch where you step….for more than one reason.
  • Stopped up toilet. Over and over again.
  • Double school = double the whining, complaining, frustrated kids
  • All while wearing my feelings on my sleeve.

You know, today, IS one of THOSE days.

Stress is oozing from the very fiber of my being.

Which reminds me of when I taught school and I realize…

The only appropriate way to close is with this elementary school ditty:

 

Nobody loves me!

Everybody hates me!

Think I’ll go eat WORMS!!! 

[Or in my case, chocolate.  My mind is not completely gone yet!]

 

 

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Posted by on October 25, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Bye-Bye Shoes!


Shoes.  I love them.  That’s nothing unusual.  A woman who loves shoes.  May not be unique, but it’s TRUE!  I love shoes.  I have like a gazillion pairs of them.  I especially love houseshoes…and since I’m a Texas gal, I also adore flip-flops.  And I have lots of both.  Well, at least I did have…..until about 6 months ago.  That’s when my mom bought me a puppy for Easter.  His name is Bernie.  He is a Shih-poo and he has stolen my heart……and my shoes.  I live in a house full of guys, so it’s kind of unusual to have someone in the house who also LOVES shoes.  As a matter of fact, it’s downright annoying!  His favorite pasttime is getting a hold of ONE of my shoes, chewing and slobbering on it while laying on top of my foot.   I have put up with this slight imposition because it’s Bernie.  What’s a little slobber on your houseshoe if it makes the puppy I love happy??  That’s when it took a turn….. for the worse.  He was no longer satisfied with slobbering on my shoes at my feet.  He then started running off and stashing ONE shoe.  I guess it’s turned into a game for him.  And he’s winning.  I now have over 20 shoes that are matchless.  I have yet to find his stash.  He’s really good at this game.  So, I’ve learned to yank up my shoes and put them out of his reach.  I’ve even resorted to keeping shoes on my dresser to keep his jaws and paws away.   Of course, I’m one of those scattered people.  Slightly ADHD.  And that’s only slightly admittting to the problem.  What does this have to do with my shoes you ask??  Well, that means I’m perpetually leaving my shoes out…forgetting to put them in that safe spot on my dresser.  And, I guess Bernie is getting bored with our usual game of hide and seek.  I’ve pretty much just given up.  He wins.  So I guess he wanted to get me back in the game.  He now has a new, added extra interest to the game.  Not only does he slobber and chew, he now is completely under the spell of the toe strap.  He has to chew it…..gnaw on it til it is no more.  So now, not only do I have piles of matchless shoes……..but I now have piles of matchless toe-strapless shoes!  I told myself last night when he turned one of my favorite pairs of Yellow Box flip-flops into hamburger meat, I was done.  It’s over.  I’m not messing with him anymore.  He is costing me money…….and my fashion!  No puppy is gonna totally destroy my shoe collection.  My foot would be put down……and hopefully have a shoe on it!  He was banished to his pen where he would remain until he realized he better walk away from the shoes.   I tossed him into his pen, scolded him severely, and went to bed.  This morning I woke to the usual hissy fit he has when he knows I’m up.  He goes crazy as I walk toward his pen.  This was the moment I had to be strong.  I pulled him from the pen and to take him out for his morning business.  As he licked my face in excitement over seeing me this morning……just like every other morning, my heart began to soften.  He was so excited…didn’t he remember I was mad at him?   As his eyes were bouncing at the sight of me,  so happy just to be held, my mind emptied of all frustration and filled with love.  This is the perfect puppy knows how to perfectly work me.   At this moment, he is sitting at my feet, chewing on my flip-flop.  But you know, I guess if Ihave to choose between Bernie and my shoes……….It’s bye-bye shoes!! 

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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