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Killa is Back!


She's sweet and sassy..... But don't let that fool you. There's a Killa inside!!

“Just do what we asked.  We don’t want to HEAR YOUR MOUTH!!”

Killa is back.

My mom and I had a rough day today.  She has had a horrible year.  She lost her husband, my step-dad, suddenly in an accident less than a year ago.   She just received the OSHA report detailing his death.

Like I said, horrible day.  But we decided to make the best of it and get away for the afternoon.  Forget our troubles.  And it was working pretty well.  Sort of.

We went to Sam’s Club to get groceries.  We unloaded our loot onto the checkout conveyor belt and I handed the checker my club card.  She informed me that my card was expired and it would be $40 to update my membership.  Mom said her card had almost expired too, she would split the cost, and she could be the second cardholder on my membership.  The checker said that would work.  Just go to the customer service counter after checking out and they would take care of it.  Problem averted.

Bahahahaaaa….. YEA.  RIGHT.

Groceries

We head over to the customer service center after buying $150 worth of groceries.  The little girl at the counter asked us if we lived together.  Our response, of course, was no.  She then told me she couldn’t put Mom on my membership unless we lived together.  And she didn’t just tell us this politely or even apologetically.

She apparently thought she was the Membership Princess of Sam’s Club.

I think she has a throne somewhere (probably in the bathroom) and she uses her little scanning wand to cast people out of membership eligibility with a smug smile and a MUAHAHAHAA…..  It was obvious this is a job she enjoys.

I was sure she just didn’t understand.  I mean, the girl at the check-out told us it was no problem.  They would fix us right up.  So I did my best to explain this to the Princess. Her response was for me to point out who told me such a thing.  I suddenly felt protective of this poor cashier who was so kind to us.

I wouldn’t dare rat her out!

I let the Membership Princess know I would not be tattling on anyone.  She flipped her little head around and told me she was not giving us an extra card.  I tried explaining we had been doing this for 20 years and never has anyone said a word to us about it.

NOPE, Princess wasn’t having it.  She only became more and more smug.

That’s when the switch went off for me.  I threw my hands up and said, “Well, just give me a full refund on every bit of it.”

During all this tit for tat and trying to get this little heifer, um, I mean Princess,  to understand this had to just be a misunderstanding, my mom began to have steam coming from her ears.  Princess then began to start again with the “We don’t do that, blah, blah, blah…..”

And that’s when it happened.  My mom snapped.

Killa was in the building.

“Just do what we asked.  We don’t want to HEAR YOUR MOUTH!!”

Finally the girl hushed.  I thought Killa was gonna come unleashed.  I was as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.  I have seen Killa in action.  I know she is afraid of nothing.  Princess better be afraid.

As she begins to scan items for the refund, one item doesn’t scan.  Princess pops off to the other girl (Who is also doing her best to be nice and keep Killa at bay.), “They probably didn’t pay for it.”

Really?  Did Princess REALLY believe we were trying to smuggle a box of Moo Moos out the door, but were stupid enough to ask for a refund of stolen items??  Really?

I think that’s when the growling started.  I thought I even saw some foaming around the corners of her mouth.  I KNOW steam was boiling from her ears.

Killa is ready to charge.

Grabbing onto her arm, I held on for dear life, trying to keep her at bay.  I just knew our next stop might be the Angelina County Jail.

Finally, the total comes up.  $10 less than what I actually paid.  Just about that time, I was telling nice girl (who had the deer in the headlights look of fear going on) I paid $150 and I was gonna get $150 refunded…..nice girl was telling Princess to rescan that item that didn’t scan earlier…..Princess was wanting to jump on us like we were trying to steal that stinking box of Moo Moos……and Killa snapped…….”Did you HEAR me??  We don’t want to HEAR your MOUTH!”

I tell you what.  Words do not do justice to the relief I felt when that item finally beeped, princess walked back around to the other side of the counter, and Killa and I were able to walk away.   Empty handed.  A good hour of our time wasted.

We spent the next hour laughing our tails off about Killa making another appearance.

Killa is my hero.

She has the courage and bravery to stand up to rude people who are being PAID to wait on us.  I can’t tell you how many rude cashiers I have had, but it’s a LOT.   Of course, I rarely and almost NEVER, say a thing.  I don’t complain…well, at least not to the culprit.  Instead, I storm around all evening, my attitude poisoned by said rude checker.   I’m a wimp.  People like me are why establishments continue to have rude employees…. because we don’t complain.

So, Killa is my hero.

She kicks into action.

Takes no prisoners.

No holds barred.

When the going gets tough, she gets tougher.

I would love to be her trusty sidekick.  I guess a girl can dream, right??

Have YOU ever had a horrible experience with customer service? 

Are you a Killa or are you a peacemaker? 

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Posted by on October 21, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Psycho Mom…Coming Soon!


It’s been a while.  It has.  Things have gone pretty smoothly for the past several weeks.

The kids have been operating at their usual level of driving me bonkers.  I’m only halfway crazy.  And I can function like that.

But this morning is different.  I think my children have been invaded by evil monsters.  There names are Why?, What for?, and Do I have to?  They can be described as whining, complaining, grumpy, out of sorts, and just plain ornery.  The fight is on.  They want to fight over anything and everything and nothing…..all at the same time.

Stop looking at me!

Stop bossing me!

Your tone is rude! (Yep, they have been listening to me and they are now using it to torture me.)

Stop shaking the table!

You can’t go in there to do your school work!

I just want to SCREAM………………Why not?  You hate each other at the moment.  Why, on God’s green earth would you want him to STAY here by YOU???????

That’s when it hits me.  Smack in the face.  Like a Mac truck.  They have ganged up on me.  The insane are trying to take over the asylum.  They are on a mission to put me in the rubber room.  Completely crazy.  And it’s working.

plotting his take-over

It makes sense really.  They think if they can conquer me, they can run the roost.  Have free reign.

But I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.  I’m on to them.  I know what they’re up to.

Sometimes, they just need a gentle reminder of my alter ego.  Bahahahaaa…..

They have forgotten who they are dealing with.

So, let the games begin.  Psycho-Mom is circling the building and about to swoop in and make her presence known.

The insane may have taken over, but I’m about to get the asylum back!

They think they’ve won …..that their plan will work.  Hahahahaaaa!!

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Roadtrip: turkeys, GPS for dummies, and screaming indians….


They look soooooo....sweet. But note Grandma's expression of sheer JOY!

Roadtrip.

Rambunctious.  Rowdy.  Runnin’ me Ragged.  Roadtrip.

This simple compound word consumed my day.

My mom had to be dropped off at the airport (200 miles from home) early in the morning.  Being the most devoted of her children (or simply a glutton for punishment), I took the job.

It really wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it were ME taking  HER and ME coming home.   ME + HER = HAPPY ROADTRIP.

Add in 3 boys to this equation and everything changes.  Add in school work (I’m a home school mom) and everything multiplies.  Add in traffic, a mom who cannot work a cell phone, much less a GPS system, and it divides my personality.  Really.  As much as I would love to say I was all rainbows and sunshine today, that would be a big fat lie.

First off, the kids, confined in a pretty small SUV for 3 1/2 hours, is enough to make me wanna pull my hair out.  Boys are just loud.  They come into the world that way.  They can’t help it.  They are just wired LOUD.  Then, being as naive as I am, I thought they could work on schoolwork in the car.  Kill two birds with one stone.  All it killed were my nerves.  Life would have been a much happier place if I had just given in and let them put on a movie.

Next, we come in to Houston.  Mom didn’t make reservations at a hotel (we came down the night before her flight).  She thought we would just ‘find’ a hotel.  Great.  Brilliant.  Awesome.  Really.  This excites me more than life itself.  It might not have been too bad if she actually knew how to work a smart phone or even the GPS system in her own car.  But she can’t even work the radio.  So, as we enter Houston in the middle of 5 o’clock traffic, Mom is sitting in the passenger seat trying her best to work my smart phone to find a hotel near the airport….  What do I do now?  Which button do I push?  Where did the keyboard go?  Why did the screen just turn sideways.  THE SCREEN JUST TURNED SIDEWAYS!!!!  Oh no, the screen is gone!!  Here LOOOOOOOKKKK!!!    Yes, all while I’m driving, in traffic,  kids screaming in the backseat, and a novel on CD playing in the background.

Enter in spinning head.  Mine.  After picking up yet ANOTHER boy at his college dorm, missing several turns on the way to the airport (probably due to spinning head), stopping on the side of the road (3 times) to try and find a hotel……… in a BAD part of town…..I honestly thought my heart was going to explode and my head spin completely off my body.

Fast forward a few hours.  We ventured out once again to eat dinner.  The hotel clerk is my HERO…..he actually gives amazing directions AND he had a fresh pot of coffee.  We make it back with relatively no problems…..well, other than the wild indians in the back seats….. and we make it back for the night.  I even think my head stopped spinning.

Of course, the turkeys…literally (we found turkey hats at Target) are still going 90 to nothing.  That Energizer Bunny has NOTHING on my boys.

Monday night football isn’t even into halftime yet, and the college kid still hasn’t been delivered back to his dorm.  Stay tuned.   Spinning heads just might make another appearance before morning.

Monday Night Football and Driving Mom CrAzY

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Life as I Know It….. with Boys


 

 

 

Loud.  Stinky.  Gross.   Rowdy.  Adventurous.  Kind.  Fearless.  Messy.  Obnoxious.  Grumpy.  Silly.  Happy-go-lucky.      BOYS.
                                                                                                  
I’ve spent 21 years thus far mothering boys.  In fact, I have FIVE of them.  And three are still at home.  I still have a long way until my journey with my boys is over.  I thought I would share some good, bad, and stinky with you.

  • Rock.  Paper.  Scissors———>>> the ULTIMATE decision maker.   Especially for things they DON’T want to do!
  • Electronics are a guy’s best friend.
  • Clothes are optional.   An after-thought.  If it weren’t for Mom to FORCE them to wear them, they would most likely run around naked….all the time!
  • One of the most important things a mom can do for her boys is cook supper.  They LOVE to eat.
  • Going to the bathroom is a game.  That toilet is just a big ole bulls-eye.  And it’s more fun to miss than it is to hit.
  • There just aren’t many things more important than who gets to ride shotgun.  And if you get banished to the third row seat, life just might be over.
  • Bathing was invented as a form of torture.  And it works very well.
  • Clutter is a way of life.  And they like it.
  • Shoes are completely unimportant and unneccessary ….until mom throws a hissy fit and makes you wear them!
  • Life revolves around super heroes……  Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Green Lantern, Flash, Captain America, Iron Man, Wolverine…..to name a few.
  • Sports are a way of life.  Any math problem or life lesson can be taught through a sports analogy.
  • No matter how big or how old, they still want hugs….and lots of them.
  • Real life is over-rated.  Imagination is where it’s at!
  • Boys enjoy their own smells…..and often the smell of others as well.
  • Boys are incapable of holding grudges.  They just aren’t wired that way.  You can get mad at them.  They can get mad at you.  Five minutes later, it’s over and they still want that hug.
  • Houses are really just indoor playgrounds.  It’s best if you decorate them as such.  Treasures belong in a chest buried somewhere, not out on the coffee table anyway.
  • Learning to burp the ABC’s is an art.  And the best mom’s teach them how.
  • Trash cans are just basketball goals in disguise.
  • A boys mission is to make mom feel needed…. constantly…. by providing perpetual, never-ending messes.
  • Lastly, nobody needs their mom like a baby boy.

With all their stinky, rambunctious, wild escapades……..boys are sweet, lovable, loving, and kind.  Sometimes you might need to look closely, beyond all the dirt and grime, beyond all the balls being thrown overhead, and the wrestling under foot….but once you do, you will find a heart filled with deep, unending love for his mom.  In fact, each of my boys have proposed marriage to me when they were little.  Even with all the messes, stinky feet, broken treasures, burping contests, and super hero obsessions….. that little boy who, at the end of the day, wants to climb on the couch and snuggle with mom because she is the coolest girl on the planet?  He’s worth it.  Now, I have a few messes to clean.  I better get busy.  Couch time starts soon.

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Whooaaaa, there killa!!


My Mom.... Don't let that sweet smile fool you! She can take care of business!

It all started with a simple trip to the grocery store.  I needed to pick up a few things for dinner.  That was a great excuse for mom and I to catch some girl time away from the kids.  Since I live in the sticks, running to the local grocery store means traveling to a neighboring town ten miles away.  So, off we go.  Just a normal grocery run on a normal day.  If you know me, you know NOTHING in my life is normal.

Anyway, back to the story.  We have lunch and  spend some quality time visiting.  Mom lost her husband this past year in a tragic accident.  So it’s been hard.  Some days are better than others.  Lately, it’s been harder than usual.  We spend time talking about life, and laughing about nothing.  Finally, we hit the grocery store and stroll through the aisles discussing recipes and our upcoming family cookbook.   The calm before the storm, I suppose.

We head out with a buggy full of groceries (some hers, some mine).  She is loading her groceries into the side of the SUV, while I’m loading the back.  We’re talking and trying to sort through the bags, when I look up and notice a car.  It’s just sitting there, waiting.  The space next to ours is empty.  The driver is waiting for my mom to close the side door so she can pull in.   As I point this out to mom, that’s when it happens.  She looks at me and responds, “She can wait!!  We have to wait all the time!!  She can wait on us!”

Here we go.  We finish up and load into the car.  As the driver of the ‘waiting’ car pulls into the spot next to us, she gives my mom the what for.  And it’s on.  I thought I was going to have to lock my mom in the car.  She was furious!  Being a tad bit on the feisty side, she was bent on making that woman look her in the eye so she could give her the what for right back again.  She begins to raise her voice, “She won’t look back!  She better look at me!  She has no right to be rude to me!”   I fumble to get the keys in the ignition as quickly as possible, pleading with her to calm down…. because I just KNOW mom is gonna get out and convince this lady once and for all she was rude and plain mean!

Finally, I hear it…… the strange sounds of mumbling and grumbling….I could have sworn it was Na-nanny-boo-boo.  The lady had turned to look at mom and she had gotten her revenge….. Na-nanny-boo-boo and a shriveled up ‘mad’ face.  I thought I might have caught a glimpse of her sticking out her tongue.  As I pull out of the parking lot, the lady driver stomping into the store, mad as all get out…..my mom ranting about the sheer rudeness of this ‘heifer’……..  I am suddenly overcome with laughter.  My mom, in her 60’s, recently widowed,  who so often seems so fragile….. was ready to kick some booty in the parking lot.  Do I think she would REALLY fight this cranky old woman??  That I cannot answer for sure.  But one thing is true….she stands for what she believes 100%…..even if it’s over a door in a parking lot.  She won’t back down when things get sticky.  And, although I was a bit embarassed~ Okay, I was completely embarassed…….deep down in my heart I saw something in that fighting woman that I hope to one day see in myself.  Courage.

Now, if I can just teach her to pick her battles…….but that’s for another post.

Mom........ remember who you're messing with!!

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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Monday, Funday……well, not exactly.


Today is Monday.   That means it’s my day to prop my feet up, watch the soaps, and eat Bon Bons.  The house will be sparkling clean, the laundry nonexistent, and dinner will be an amazing gourmet meal that every person in my house will just love.  We will sit around the dining table, with smiles on our faces, sharing how wonderful our day was and how we just can’t wait til the next day of work and school.

*Sigh*

Ok, so I know I have to snap out of it.  In reality,  my house has taken on a life of it’s own. The floors are strewn to high heaven, dirty clothes seem to be the new decor, and the toilets….well, we won’t go there.  This housework is a thorn in my side.  Actually, it’s more like a spear through my body…. it’s lurking, hovering over me, threatening to consume me.   I feel like I spend my life cleaning.  In fact before I finish cleaning the house, the end I started at is already needing it again.  I’ve tried everything.  Avoiding it, ignoring it, willing it to disappear….all to no avail.  I have even tried propping my feet up, watching soaps, and eating Bon Bons (well, at least in my imagination).  But it just doesn’t work to avoid, ignore, or live in that fantasy world that is so much fun.  It’s still there, only worse from my neglect while trying to will it to go away.  Yee-haw.

So, Today is Monday.  That means I get to clean toilets, scrub showers, mop floors, wash mountains of laundry, dust, and vacuum.  And you know what?  By Monday evening it will need it again.  Tonight’s dinner will be a quick and easy crockpot meal because my feet will hurt and my back will ache  after cleaning up after all these messy boys.  Tonight at dinner, I will smile wearily, anxiously awaiting the moment I can plop down into my chair and relax (probably sometime close to bedtime).   I have decided this is a good thing.  It’s good to be needed, to be depended on.  The alternative is a lonely life with nobody around to mess things up.  So, off I go…..I may be holding my nose as I clean up after these stinky boys of mine but I’ll be singing a happy song in my heart.  Why?  Because tonight…. when I plop into that chair, I will have a couple of boys who want to cuddle up to their momma because they think she is the best momma in the world.  And that makes it all worth it.

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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