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Psycho-Mom Strikes Again

31 Oct

I was out of town last week on an overnight trip.  Just a day.  Yet, when I walked in the door, the house smelled of this awful stench.  I’m talking cat pee + dirty feet + dog poopy + sour clothes + mildew stench.  As I opened the front door, I almost lost my breath.  It was sickening.  Disgusting.  Gross.  Turn your stomach.  Nasty.

Not only did I walk into a fumigated house, but I also walked into a kitchen piled high with        dirty dishes.  I’m not even sure there were any clean dishes left.  The floor was there somewhere……..under all the clutter.  Every bed sheet appeared to be strewn through the living room floor.  I think they were having a little camp-out.  Right there in the living room.

That day, I found out just how quickly I can cross over.  You know, to that other personality.  That insane, psycho mom who opens her mouth only to have a few other heads dart from her throat….all with sharp tongues of steel.  I just know if someone had taken a picture of me at that very moment, I would have steam flowing from every body cavity I have.  Maybe even fire coming from my mouth.

No explanations were necessary.  I knew  EXACTLY what had taken place here.  While the kiddies were having their play party, they neglected to take Bernie out.  On top of that, Bernie had determined to throw himself one royal puppy fit.  He had marked his territory all over my area rugs. I couldn’t see it, but it had to be there.  What else could cause such a nasty smell?

The stench was so bad, it gave me a headache.  I immediately started ripping up carpets, bleaching floors underneath.  Bleaching everything. Cleaning the carpets.  All to no avail.

This is me.  Only I’m older.  And more wrinkled.   And waaay more ticked off!

But the stench remained.  I was furious.  Humans nor animals were safe in my presence.  I was a mad hatter and ready to attack.

This went on for a couple of days.  Our schedules were so incredibly busy, I didn’t have time to just totally spring clean, so I did my best by holding my breath as much as I could.  I felt like the stench was seeping into the pores of my skin.

Finally, on day three, I could take no more.  I began, once again, tearing the house apart.  I left no floor untouched.  I completely removed the area rugs.  Still pewtred stench hovered in the house.

I refused to pet the puppy.  He was banished from the couch.  I gave the kids double chores.  Trying my best to make the little turkeys learn a lesson and never forget to watch the dog again.

I was standing in the kitchen, talking to my hubby, when I kept getting a strong whiff of odor.  I turned around.  There was nothing there but the vacuum cleaner filter.  It couldn’t be.  Could it??

I have one of those bagless vacuums.  Mine has a removable filter, as well as a built in filter.  Before leaving for Houston, I washed out both, and put them in the drainer to dry.  I have always cleaned the removable filter, but the built in, only the one time.  It had gotten so nasty, something had to be done.  So I tried washing it with soap and water.

BIG MISTAKE.

I picked up the vacuum canister and as it got closer to my nose, I almost hurled.  The culprit had been found.  I threw the canister out the back door.  Grabbed a can of Febreeze, and went to work.  Within minutes, literally, the obnoxious odor was gone.  As if it were never there.

As much as I wanted to sing and dance, jump for joy, pet my dog, and hug my kids, I couldn’t.  The guilt hung in the air like the densest of smoke.  The looks on their faces were priceless.  The only saving grace, was they still neglected their chores in my absence and  made a huge mess of the house.  I wasn’t off the hook, but neither were they.  Apologies were made.

We decided to call a truce.  Bernie was pulled back into the fold.  I’m sure I’ve utterly confused him.  He is now, as I type laying on the couch.

Psycho mom, and her extra heads, have left the building.

For now.

 

 

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2 Comments

Posted by on October 31, 2011 in It's my life.....

 

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2 responses to “Psycho-Mom Strikes Again

  1. becomingcliche

    October 31, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Cats peed on my umbrella last week. Right before the big rain. I went a little, um, berserk.

     
    • Robin

      November 1, 2011 at 7:39 am

      I’m getting a good belly laugh over this because my image is you realizing the cat peed on your umbrella when you open it up! Even if that’s not the way it happened, it gave me a good laugh! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has berserk moments!! Thanks for visiting! =D

       

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