Smiles, Snickers, and Snorts

There are things in life that bring a smile to your face.  No matter your mood, you just have to smile.

Then there are things that make you snicker, or even flat out give a good snort as you suffer from a belly laugh.

This list contains some of each.  You decide which.

♥  The way your dog acts when you first walk in the door.  Mine is in a pen, so he dances on two paws, trying his best  to jump over the sides so he can cover you in slobber…even though you’ve only been gone an hour.

♥  Finally getting to the restroom after you’ve held it on the road for the past hour and a half and you feel like eyeballs are swimming.

♥  Rob Lowe.  Seriously.  Yum.

♥  Watching your kids have a burping contest.  Or even better, you joining in…and winning.

♥  The fact that watching Sheldon on Big Bang Theory makes me feel normal.

♥  Finding anything at 75% off, whether you need it or not.

♥  Flipping your pillow over to the cool side.

♥  Your mom falling backwards in her recliner to the floor, jumping repeatedly, stripping her shirt off and screaming because she thinks her kid just threw a bug on her.  Her 5 boys rolling in the floor, literally laughing their rears off  at their mom doing a striptease in front of them while screaming for help…. all while slowly coming to the realization that the bug was actually a flying raisin.

♥ Maxine.

 

♥  Your dog crawling out from under the covers, laying on your pillow right next to your head, and passing gas on you.   True story.

♥  Your baby boy writing in his journal that momma’s kisses are the sweetest.

♥  The look on someone’s face when you randomly scare the living daylights out of them.  Try it.  And see if you don’t laugh.

♥  Taking off your bra at the end of a hard day.  Or any day, for that matter.

♥ That feeling you get on Friday afternoon when you realize, you have made it, you have survived.  The weekend is here.

♥ And last, but certainly not least…………

                                                                                                               Puppy Planking!!

 

 

 

 

 

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Roadtrip: turkeys, GPS for dummies, and screaming indians….

They look soooooo....sweet. But note Grandma's expression of sheer JOY!

Roadtrip.

Rambunctious.  Rowdy.  Runnin’ me Ragged.  Roadtrip.

This simple compound word consumed my day.

My mom had to be dropped off at the airport (200 miles from home) early in the morning.  Being the most devoted of her children (or simply a glutton for punishment), I took the job.

It really wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it were ME taking  HER and ME coming home.   ME + HER = HAPPY ROADTRIP.

Add in 3 boys to this equation and everything changes.  Add in school work (I’m a home school mom) and everything multiplies.  Add in traffic, a mom who cannot work a cell phone, much less a GPS system, and it divides my personality.  Really.  As much as I would love to say I was all rainbows and sunshine today, that would be a big fat lie.

First off, the kids, confined in a pretty small SUV for 3 1/2 hours, is enough to make me wanna pull my hair out.  Boys are just loud.  They come into the world that way.  They can’t help it.  They are just wired LOUD.  Then, being as naive as I am, I thought they could work on schoolwork in the car.  Kill two birds with one stone.  All it killed were my nerves.  Life would have been a much happier place if I had just given in and let them put on a movie.

Next, we come in to Houston.  Mom didn’t make reservations at a hotel (we came down the night before her flight).  She thought we would just ‘find’ a hotel.  Great.  Brilliant.  Awesome.  Really.  This excites me more than life itself.  It might not have been too bad if she actually knew how to work a smart phone or even the GPS system in her own car.  But she can’t even work the radio.  So, as we enter Houston in the middle of 5 o’clock traffic, Mom is sitting in the passenger seat trying her best to work my smart phone to find a hotel near the airport….  What do I do now?  Which button do I push?  Where did the keyboard go?  Why did the screen just turn sideways.  THE SCREEN JUST TURNED SIDEWAYS!!!!  Oh no, the screen is gone!!  Here LOOOOOOOKKKK!!!    Yes, all while I’m driving, in traffic,  kids screaming in the backseat, and a novel on CD playing in the background.

Enter in spinning head.  Mine.  After picking up yet ANOTHER boy at his college dorm, missing several turns on the way to the airport (probably due to spinning head), stopping on the side of the road (3 times) to try and find a hotel……… in a BAD part of town…..I honestly thought my heart was going to explode and my head spin completely off my body.

Fast forward a few hours.  We ventured out once again to eat dinner.  The hotel clerk is my HERO…..he actually gives amazing directions AND he had a fresh pot of coffee.  We make it back with relatively no problems…..well, other than the wild indians in the back seats….. and we make it back for the night.  I even think my head stopped spinning.

Of course, the turkeys…literally (we found turkey hats at Target) are still going 90 to nothing.  That Energizer Bunny has NOTHING on my boys.

Monday night football isn’t even into halftime yet, and the college kid still hasn’t been delivered back to his dorm.  Stay tuned.   Spinning heads just might make another appearance before morning.

Monday Night Football and Driving Mom CrAzY

 

Life as I Know It….. with Boys

 

 

 

Loud.  Stinky.  Gross.   Rowdy.  Adventurous.  Kind.  Fearless.  Messy.  Obnoxious.  Grumpy.  Silly.  Happy-go-lucky.      BOYS.
                                                                                                  
I’ve spent 21 years thus far mothering boys.  In fact, I have FIVE of them.  And three are still at home.  I still have a long way until my journey with my boys is over.  I thought I would share some good, bad, and stinky with you.

• Rock.  Paper.  Scissors———>>> the ULTIMATE decision maker.   Especially for things they DON’T want to do!

• Electronics are a guy’s best friend.

• Clothes are optional.   An after-thought.  If it weren’t for Mom to FORCE them to wear them, they would most likely run around naked….all the time!

• One of the most important things a mom can do for her boys is cook supper.  They LOVE to eat.

• Going to the bathroom is a game.  That toilet is just a big ole bulls-eye.  And it’s more fun to miss than it is to hit.

• There just aren’t many things more important than who gets to ride shotgun.  And if you get banished to the third row seat, life just might be over.

• Bathing was invented as a form of torture.  And it works very well.

• Clutter is a way of life.  And they like it.

• Shoes are completely unimportant and unneccessary ….until mom throws a hissy fit and makes you wear them!

• Life revolves around super heroes……  Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Green Lantern, Flash, Captain America, Iron Man, Wolverine…..to name a few.

• Sports are a way of life.  Any math problem or life lesson can be taught through a sports analogy.

• No matter how big or how old, they still want hugs….and lots of them.

• Real life is over-rated.  Imagination is where it’s at!

• Boys enjoy their own smells…..and often the smell of others as well.

• Boys are incapable of holding grudges.  They just aren’t wired that way.  You can get mad at them.  They can get mad at you.  Five minutes later, it’s over and they still want that hug.

• Houses are really just indoor playgrounds.  It’s best if you decorate them as such.  Treasures belong in a chest buried somewhere, not out on the coffee table anyway.

• Learning to burp the ABC’s is an art.  And the best mom’s teach them how.

• Trash cans are just basketball goals in disguise.

• A boys mission is to make mom feel needed…. constantly…. by providing perpetual, never-ending messes.

• Lastly, nobody needs their mom like a baby boy.

With all their stinky, rambunctious, wild escapades……..boys are sweet, lovable, loving, and kind.  Sometimes you might need to look closely, beyond all the dirt and grime, beyond all the balls being thrown overhead, and the wrestling under foot….but once you do, you will find a heart filled with deep, unending love for his mom.  In fact, each of my boys have proposed marriage to me when they were little.  Even with all the messes, stinky feet, broken treasures, burping contests, and super hero obsessions….. that little boy who, at the end of the day, wants to climb on the couch and snuggle with mom because she is the coolest girl on the planet?  He’s worth it.  Now, I have a few messes to clean.  I better get busy.  Couch time starts soon.

 

Random Nothingness

My ADHD is kicked into high gear today, so each time I try to write, I basically come up with a lot of random nothingness. I almost gave up, but then (with my positive outlook) realized all that nothingness just might add up to a laugh or two…..and that makes it worth posting. So here we go….

Random thoughts of the day…..

• I am so scatterbrained, I have to put things into ‘safe spots’. The only problem is I then forget where the safe spot is. If I ever find it, I will hit the jackpot!
• Boys are really hard on toilets. Enough said.
• Victoria Secret’s Love Spell is the best shower gel EVER. Which brings me to my next thought….
• I need a pedicure!!! Badly!!
• I love to organize, but am by nature a slob. So, I spend hours organizing things into wonderful systems of order only to spend minutes destroying said system. And yes, I know that was a bit redundant. If I can deal with it running through my head, you can deal with reading it.
• My tolerance today for whining today is minimal. I’m not sure if this is because of the devotion I wrote about complaining/whining or if it’s simply because I am in a whiny mood myself. It’s probably the latter.
• Tony Romo needs to go. I have no authority with which to base this on. I am not a football person. In fact I know almost nothing about the sport. BUT, until the Cowboys get rid of Romo, they will be losers. Mark it down.
• I am not a morning person. I just wasn’t wired for mornings. Since I had to get up extra early this morning for an event, I went to bed EARLY where I lay WIDE AWAKE worrying over the possibility of over-sleeping the next morning. Sometime in the wee hours, I finally fell asleep, but woke up intermittently through the night worrying over sleeping in AGAIN. I spent all my time worrying over sleep I never got.
• I am currently conducting an experiment to see how long you can make a package of M&Ms last. I figure that if I only have one at a time, letting it melt in mouth, the calories have time to dissipate before entering my system. I think I might be on to something. I could make millions!
• Lastly, I used to wish for that knight in shining armor to come along and treat me like a princess. But I now realize this ain’t no fairy tale and I will never be a princess, so I better get up and cook us up some supper or we will all go hungry. Not that it would hurt us any, but why chance it?